Pivoting

Hello Internet,

Right now I am in the process of change. A process I like to call pivoting. I am learning new and wonderful things and walking away from core beliefs that have been hurting me for a long time. Beliefs based on diet culture. What is diet culture? Its our culture today. Its everywhere, and in everything. Its anything that tells you that you are not good enough as you are but that's okay buy this product, do this meal program, work out til all your bones break and you will be fixed. Its so embedded into everything in our society its very difficult to pick out. The best way to describe it is in question form, so here is a sample:

Do you feel guilty eating certain foods? Diet Culture
Do you feel guilty eating at certain times of day? Diet Culture
Do you stress about the amount of food you eat in a day? Diet Culture
Do let yourself starve? Diet Culture
Do you feel shame about your weight, or body shape? Diet Culture
Do you believe that confidence can be found in weight loss? Diet Culture

There are lots more questions I could add but I said it was a sample so i will stick to that. Here is my story and what has brought me to this crossroads. At the beginning of the blog my goal was to loss weight. I had an excellent diet plan that worked well for me. I also had an awesome life coach cheering me on and helping me combat all the mental hiccups I had. The diet was a 28 day meal and exercise plan. I lasted the entire 28 days and at the end I was very proud of the 14 pounds I lost. I was feeling good and thinking I could easily keep this up and lose lots of weight. What went wrong? Nothing and everything if that makes sense. What happened was life. More importantly what happened was biological, not MENTAL. That is a huge point that I did not understand at the time. After the 28 days I went back slowly to eating normally but I was really overeating. After 28 days of obsessing about food. (Which by the way is another biological response your body makes in a state of starvation Ref: Intuitive Eating) I began eating foods I had been dreaming about for such a long time. I ate and I ate and I ate. The whole time feeling much shame and guilt believing what diet culture has taught me my whole life, that it was my will power that was the problem. The real problem was I stayed in a state of starvation long enough that my body reacted by overeating. There have been countless studies on this and if your are interested in the studies you can find them in the book referenced in this blog (ref: intuitive eating) Simply put my body was believing that is would not be fed again, so it told my brain to eat as much as possible. 

I am thankful to my life coach Becky Smith who nudge me into the path of Stephanie Webb and her podcast Nutrition Redefined which then pointed me in the direction of a life changing book called: Intuitive eating: A revolutionary program that works by Evelyn Tribole M.S., R.D. and Elyse Resch M.S.,R.D.,F.A.D.A, C.E.D.R.D

I will be discussing this in more detail as I continue my journey down the rabbit hole of intuitive eating. If you wonder what that phrase means. Intuitive eating is the most basic human instinct that for whatever reason we as a society ignore. It means eating when your are hungry and stop eating when you are full. It means trusting your body to do what is was made to do. Its eating well and loving yourself just as your are. And most importantly it is trusting yourself.

I end today with a quote that really changed my thinking, and it came from the book, intuitive eating: "When a diet fails, why do we blame ourselves and not the diet?"

Thought Work

"The average person thinks 80,000 thoughts a day. 90 percent of those thoughts are recurring thoughts. Meaning you have thought them before." Dr. Joe Dispenza

That is incredible! Its why thought work is so important. Writing down thoughts and being award of recurring thoughts is a power we yield. Am I going to take advantage of that power? Yes

Week 2 Done....Sort of

The week is finished. It was a rough, emotional, stressful week but I did not give up. I woke up every morning ready to start over. I went to bed every night with a pep talk that it would be OK and that I can try again tomorrow. I wanted to give up. I wanted to post-pone. In the end I did gain a little weight. But I am still proud of me for trying. For not giving into patterns. For taking the punches and come back stronger. I am still here. That is a big deal!

So what was the lesson learned? Keep Going! Its hard, and when I say hard. I mean harder then I expected. It is surprises and disappointment coming for all angles. Life coaching has taught me to acknowledge my accomplishments. Until I heard that statement which is not new to me, but when it finally clicked that I need to really acknowledge my accomplishments no matter how small they seem to me life changed. I felt a little stronger, a little braver, and a little more confident. I made mistakes that is true, but I did so much to stay on track. I tried and tried and tried and most importantly I didn't let the mistakes dictate my worth. I didn't allow them to take charge or steer the ship. I do so much and that is true of everyone. I want to start working on watching and praising my accomplishments and not focus on the mistakes. Then I will grow and stretch and be better.


Today's Thought;

Circumstance: Week 3
Thought: This is so much harder then I thought it would be
Feeling: Disappointed
Action: Give Up
Result: It is too hard to maintain

New Thought:

Circumstance: Week 3
Thought: Its suppose to be hard but its so worth it
Feeling: Motivated
Action: Move
Result: It is worth it, because it was hard

Patterns

This week is crazy. My birthday was Tuesday, today is my daughters birthday and Saturday and Sunday are birthday parties. Last night was also a relief society birthday party. What does that mean for me and my goals? Food, lots of sugary, greasy, "hey who cares its your birthday" yummy food. I decided to indulge on my birthday. I ate a burger and fries and cupcakes and pizza and soda. Everything I was dreaming to eat. But at the end of the day I was so sick. I was dying to get back on track and eat healthy the next day. Yesterday was a day of temptation and although I managed to stay on track for most of it I just couldn't say no to the delicious cake sitting right in front of me. Today my daughter wanted to get doughnuts for her class so of course there were doughnuts for breakfast. I managed to say no and eat my healthy veggie and egg breakfast. But I was feeling overwhelmed because as part of the birthday fun I wanted to take molly out to lunch today. She of course wants to go to McDonald's and when I asked what she wanted me to make for dinner tonight her response was mac and cheese. It's starting to feel like too much! And my thoughts were selling me on the idea of giving up or pausing til Monday. Luckily, I listened to a podcast yesterday that really motivated me to stay on track. The podcast was by Ed Mylett (another life coach) and I heard about him through my brother in law. It was the first podcast from Ed Mylett that I have listened too but it made an impact on me.

His podcast was about patterns. Patterns we create in our lives when things get hard or when things get good. He said we all have a pattern of action that we don't really recognize. For me that is eating healthy. I have a pattern of doing good and then a situation or situation(s) come up where temptation is everywhere or it feels like it is everywhere. I then feel overwhelmed and my action is giving up or stopping, which I always hate because then I have to start all over again. I felt it in February when I started the 28 day health challenge, then in week 2 I went on vacation. I feel it now with birthday week. This thought that I can't or I don't want to do this. But Ed said that if you can recognize the pattern, if you can make a conscious decision to acknowledge it then it no longer has any power over you. That is so awesome! And I feel it working for me. Last night when I was feeling weak and reviewing in my head all the food I would be missing out on, I examined my thoughts and realized its a pattern. Now I feel so much power and so much more in control just because I am determined not to follow the pattern. I will keep plugging away, loving myself, eating what I healthy when I can and not beating myself up for mistakes. I will not give up and I will not be defeated. I will keep going because I worth it!

A quote I keep by my bed says: "IF YOU DON'T GIVE UP THEN YOU CAN'T FAIL" it is so true!

First Week Review

I made it one week! That is a huge step for me. Its always takes 3 days for me to be fully mentally committed to a diet. Where this is a lifestyle change its feels great to still be motivated to continue. I have said it before but I think I really mean it this time:This time around I am actually feeling like I can keep up with these eating habits for a long time or really just all the time. Eating healthy 80 percent of the time feels awesome because I don't feel deprived of anything. I get to eat treats and have soda and candy but I just don't gorge myself or make it my main diet. It has also healed my relationship with food. I get to eat some really yummy super healthy things that keeps me excited for the next meal and I get a treat every so often too. I don't feel bored because I'm eating in rotation of phases (reference the fast metabolism diet) and I'm not frustrated trying to find healthy things to eat. Having a routine is so helpful and keeping a rotation helps it not feel boring. Does that make sense? Here is an example of what I am talking about:

Breakfast Schedule:

Mon-Tues: Oatmeal fruit Shake
Wed-Thurs: Fried egg and veggie hash
Fri-Sat: Peanut butter on toast with a side of fruit
Sunday: French Toast with fruit

Its a routine that i don't have to stress about and its a rotation so I'm not eating the same thing everyday. I'm not bored because I am changing things up but I'm also not stressed trying to find something healthy to eat. It's all there for me. It really helps me stay on track and experience a variety of healthy breakfasts.

The same can be said for lunch:

Mon-Tues: Chicken and veggie Stir fry with fruit
Wed-Thurs: Turkey Salad
Fri-Sunday: Sandwich with a fruit and veggie

The only thing that changes of course is my dinner menu but even that is easy with some practice. Meal planning and journaling helped me get through my first week. I am a recovering scale-o-holic (addicted to the scale) so I have measured myself after a week and I am down a few pounds. (Exact number will be calculated after the 30 day benchmark) I have cut down quite a bit and that feels good too. But I'm proud of myself for not giving up and I know I am on the right track! That feels awesome too!!

Calories Don't Count!

For years I have been counting calories. I thought for too long that if I want to be successful in weight loss I needed to be hyper aware of my caloric intake. Years of practicing and counting led me to have a negative relationship with food. I began to fear eating, even when my stomach was starving because I didn't want to go over 1200 calories. I was also eating unhealthy food because it was low calorie. Diet coke for example: 0 calories, which in my mind meant that it wouldn't have any affect on my body, Wrong! Calories don't make sense because our bodies don't work off calories. They work of nutrients, protein, carbs, fats, and sugars. Everything else is just processed and stored or digested. Our bodies are amazing and they work so hard for us even when we are not treating them well. Which I have been doing to my body for a long time. Without understanding the body, its easy to put everything onto the calorie. Its an easy way for our brain to process what is good and what is bad. But our body doesn't work that way. We all have an awesome network of systems called: Metabolism. That is a post for another day but back to the calorie....

Here is the definition of a calorie:

The energy needed to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water through 1 °C 

What does the energy required to raise the temperature of water have to do with our bodies? We are not water, we have water inside us but once again we are not water.

I have heard all the calorie propaganda for years and it never made sense to me. Such as 3500 calories=1 pound of fat. The average person needs 2000 calories per day. In order to lose weight you must reduce you caloric intake by 500-600 calories and you should expect to lose 1-2 pounds a week. I am calling BS on all of that! Because its not true! My body has never worked that way no matter how much I wanted to believe it. If it were that simple there would not be such things as "plateaus" this phrase is used so much in the fitness and health industry. It describes a period of time in which your body will not lose any more weight. You either maintain or gain weight even though everything you are doing is the exact same as when you were losing weight. Its because your amazing body doesn't work off calories, it work off metabolism. I spent way to many nights or mornings upset because I starved myself all day and worked my butt off only to have the scale show that I lost nothing or even worse somehow managed to gain a half a pound or so. Not anymore, learning the bodies process from a professional with years of nutritional experience was a game changer for me. Most importantly it healed my relationship with food. 

I am here to start a revolution. Delete your calorie counting app my friend, and stop looking at the calorie number on the side of the food label. Instead look at the ingredients list. If you can't pronounce most of it, then its not food.  You can plan out healthy meals, eat real food, and keep treats as just treats. If you need help then you can research and read from the experts. The best thing I did for myself was type into google "Healthy diet books" it lead me to the fast metabolism diet and Haley Palmory. I am not hear to tell you what to do (well other then to stop counting calories, I will do that) Choose your own eating habits based on your own research. Then Join the revolution!

Its not about how much you eat. Its about what you eat!

How to change a thought

The wait is over! Here is the rest of the post from yesterday. I have mentioned before but its worth mentioning again. My knowledge and research one the human mind comes from life coaching and I am a student of Jody Moore. I am also a student of Becky Smith (who has a podcast coming soon which is so exciting). If you have not read my previous post this post won't make much sense, so I suggest reading it first then come here for the second half of the conversation.

Yesterday I discussed the model and how a brain processes a thought. Not every thought we think serves us or is useful. It's also not useful to label thoughts as good or bad, they are just thoughts. Whether or not they create the feeling and action we want makes them useful or not useful. So how do I change a thought? Easy just don't think it.....yeah right that has never worked for me. I have been to therapists and I have researched many ways to get rid of thoughts or even get control over thoughts. Nothing seemed to create any lasting result until I found life coaching. That is why I love it so much! Its not about labeling or shaming or even controlling. Its about accepting, and practicing and loving.

So here is the real question How Do I Change a Thought? Here are the steps:

1. Understand that it is just a thought. Half the battle is differentiating between a circumstance and a thought. Our brains are amazing salesmen and they can convince use anything is truth. But truth isn't harmful or hurtful, its neutral because its a circumstance not a thought. Here is my example: "I have anxiety." That sounds like a circumstance and for years I convinced myself that it was a circumstance, but actually its just a thought. Why? Because I can't prove it. I have not been diagnosed with a disorder from a medical professional. I don't have panic attacks and my life is not controlled by anxiety. A statement such as this is very vague. In order to put it in the circumstance line I have to be very "facty" about it. Meaning I have to be able to prove it. Have I been diagnosed: No, Am I currently taking medication? No. Have I experienced panic attacks? Not for a couple years. Then the fact is "I think I have I anxiety." That's why labels are not useful, they can be thoughts disguised as a circumstance. My anxiety is just a thought I sold myself into believing was a circumstance. It is also very important to note that circumstances don't change. They don't need too because the problem is in the thought not the circumstance.

2. Write the thought down in a Model: Writing down a thought is cathartic. Its a calming process because once I take enough time and energy to write down a thought I can look at it with my higher brain. I can use my logic and intelligence to really see it clearly.

3. Question the Thought. The thought is "I have anxiety" so to question that thought I would ask myself simple questions like: Do I have anxiety? Is my anxiety frequent? Is that thought useful to me? Do I want this thought? The only person that can answer these questions is me. But in order to get outside of my own head I need to write down the model and look at it with logic, sometimes that requires a life coach to help. Sometimes I can do it by myself. Its just a matter of how much I am willing to look at things without bias. That can be hard to do.

4. Decide to change the thought. That should be easy. But like I said our brains are amazing salesman and if we are thinking one thought for a long period of time, over and over again its hard or can be impossible to stop or change. The secret is twisting. Look at the model, answer the questions then decide to change. But whatever the new thought is it needs to be believable. I can't look at my thought "I have anxiety" and just change it to "I don't have anxiety" my brain would automatically refuse it because it goes against a stronger thought of "I have anxiety". Looking at my questions and answers will help twist my thought into something more useful.

Do I have anxiety? Sometimes but not always. Is my anxiety frequent? Moments through out the day depending on the situation. Is it a useful thought to me? No, because it makes me feel sad or unfit. Do I want this thought? No.

Now comes the thought twisting: Maybe the thought could be "I have anxious moments" or "I feel anxiety sometimes". Those both feel true and believable and they come with feelings of peace. Which means they are more useful to me. If I can't think of a new more useful thought then I can think of a feeling I want to have like: I want to feel happy... then I just go down the model:

What action would I take if I felt happy, like genuinely happy?I would do what i want without shaming myself.
What would be the result of that action? I feel anxiety sometimes but I don't care, I'm still awesome.
 Then I could put that result into my thought line because my result always circles back to my thought.

So here is my thought work in model form:

Current Thought: 

Circumstance: Moments of feeling Stress
Thought: I have anxiety
Feeling: Sad, unfit
Action: Stress more. Hide away
Result: I become more anxious and I have more anxiety

Then I work through Steps 1 through 4

New Model:

Circumstance: Moments of feeling stress
Thought: I feel stressed sometimes
Feeling: Calm, Peaceful
Action: Move on to other things
Result: I have moments of stress, but only sometimes

This takes time to master. That's why my blog is titled "Student of Life Coaching" Its a skill to be practiced. Its writing down models and going through steps and writing down new models. Then moving on to the next problem or revisiting the same problem if it pops up again. Its a lifetime practice. That's why every experienced life coach still has a life coach. That's a secret of the business. Even if you have years of experience and make a million dollars from helping others such as Jody Moore. You still need someone to talk too and discuss problems in unbiased way. That's cool to me. Because life is not about perfection, and life coaching teaches us how to accept and love life for the big mess it is. Not even me with all my awesome grammar errors. I'm far from being a perfect blogger. And you know what life coaching taught me about that: "I am so proud that I am so far from being a perfect blogger." Its a thought I choose to think but more on that later....