Yesterday I discussed the model and how a brain processes a thought. Not every thought we think serves us or is useful. It's also not useful to label thoughts as good or bad, they are just thoughts. Whether or not they create the feeling and action we want makes them useful or not useful. So how do I change a thought? Easy just don't think it.....yeah right that has never worked for me. I have been to therapists and I have researched many ways to get rid of thoughts or even get control over thoughts. Nothing seemed to create any lasting result until I found life coaching. That is why I love it so much! Its not about labeling or shaming or even controlling. Its about accepting, and practicing and loving.
So here is the real question How Do I Change a Thought? Here are the steps:
1. Understand that it is just a thought. Half the battle is differentiating between a circumstance and a thought. Our brains are amazing salesmen and they can convince use anything is truth. But truth isn't harmful or hurtful, its neutral because its a circumstance not a thought. Here is my example: "I have anxiety." That sounds like a circumstance and for years I convinced myself that it was a circumstance, but actually its just a thought. Why? Because I can't prove it. I have not been diagnosed with a disorder from a medical professional. I don't have panic attacks and my life is not controlled by anxiety. A statement such as this is very vague. In order to put it in the circumstance line I have to be very "facty" about it. Meaning I have to be able to prove it. Have I been diagnosed: No, Am I currently taking medication? No. Have I experienced panic attacks? Not for a couple years. Then the fact is "I think I have I anxiety." That's why labels are not useful, they can be thoughts disguised as a circumstance. My anxiety is just a thought I sold myself into believing was a circumstance. It is also very important to note that circumstances don't change. They don't need too because the problem is in the thought not the circumstance.
2. Write the thought down in a Model: Writing down a thought is cathartic. Its a calming process because once I take enough time and energy to write down a thought I can look at it with my higher brain. I can use my logic and intelligence to really see it clearly.
3. Question the Thought. The thought is "I have anxiety" so to question that thought I would ask myself simple questions like: Do I have anxiety? Is my anxiety frequent? Is that thought useful to me? Do I want this thought? The only person that can answer these questions is me. But in order to get outside of my own head I need to write down the model and look at it with logic, sometimes that requires a life coach to help. Sometimes I can do it by myself. Its just a matter of how much I am willing to look at things without bias. That can be hard to do.
4. Decide to change the thought. That should be easy. But like I said our brains are amazing salesman and if we are thinking one thought for a long period of time, over and over again its hard or can be impossible to stop or change. The secret is twisting. Look at the model, answer the questions then decide to change. But whatever the new thought is it needs to be believable. I can't look at my thought "I have anxiety" and just change it to "I don't have anxiety" my brain would automatically refuse it because it goes against a stronger thought of "I have anxiety". Looking at my questions and answers will help twist my thought into something more useful.
Do I have anxiety? Sometimes but not always. Is my anxiety frequent? Moments through out the day depending on the situation. Is it a useful thought to me? No, because it makes me feel sad or unfit. Do I want this thought? No.
Now comes the thought twisting: Maybe the thought could be "I have anxious moments" or "I feel anxiety sometimes". Those both feel true and believable and they come with feelings of peace. Which means they are more useful to me. If I can't think of a new more useful thought then I can think of a feeling I want to have like: I want to feel happy... then I just go down the model:
What action would I take if I felt happy, like genuinely happy?I would do what i want without shaming myself.
What would be the result of that action? I feel anxiety sometimes but I don't care, I'm still awesome.
Then I could put that result into my thought line because my result always circles back to my thought.
So here is my thought work in model form:
Current Thought:
Circumstance: Moments of feeling Stress
Thought: I have anxiety
Feeling: Sad, unfit
Action: Stress more. Hide away
Result: I become more anxious and I have more anxiety
Then I work through Steps 1 through 4
New Model:
Circumstance: Moments of feeling stress
Thought: I feel stressed sometimes
Feeling: Calm, Peaceful
Action: Move on to other things
Result: I have moments of stress, but only sometimes
This takes time to master. That's why my blog is titled "Student of Life Coaching" Its a skill to be practiced. Its writing down models and going through steps and writing down new models. Then moving on to the next problem or revisiting the same problem if it pops up again. Its a lifetime practice. That's why every experienced life coach still has a life coach. That's a secret of the business. Even if you have years of experience and make a million dollars from helping others such as Jody Moore. You still need someone to talk too and discuss problems in unbiased way. That's cool to me. Because life is not about perfection, and life coaching teaches us how to accept and love life for the big mess it is. Not even me with all my awesome grammar errors. I'm far from being a perfect blogger. And you know what life coaching taught me about that: "I am so proud that I am so far from being a perfect blogger." Its a thought I choose to think but more on that later....
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